The grace of taming self-doubt
by Shibli
Summary: After defeating the power-hungry Scar in The Battle for Pride Rock, young Simba is crowned King. But his most bitter rival still lies undefeated-himself. Set right after the bloody event, the story follows Simba's emotions and thoughts after taking his place in the circle of life.


**The grace of taming self-doubt**

_You never thought you'd be much good for anyone  
But that's so far from the truth_

„_If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced." –Vincent van Gogh_

**SIMBA**

„_Say it! Are you the king?" his uncle's thundering voice spoke clearly._

„_No, no...I..." the young golden lion stuttered. Fear coated every word that came out of his mouth. He had no excuse made up for this situation, for he thought he had already successfully strayed from the right path. _

„_Are you the king?" Scar repeated, sounding more menacing than before. His voice was louder and to Simba, it had seemed that he was about to let a roar escape his throat._

„_No..." Simba couldn't bear to look him in the eye. Instead, he bowed his head in shame. His uncle was right. After all, the death of his father was his fault. That was the least he could do. Right? Right?_

„ _'No' what? Say it!" lime eyes flickered up at him. His uncle was growing impatient, ready to unleash his anger. Serves him right, Simba killed his only brother. Why did he even bother coming back? He had never been a lion too keen on receiving lessons and criticism anyway and his new way of life in the jungle has done nothing to prepare him for the more serious parts of life. With his uncle's impatience not decreasing, his own feeling of discomfort was becoming more prominent. When arguing with his foster parents and friends, Timon and Pumbaa, he had always been brave enough to raise his voice and defend the reasons behind his deeds. One example was when he got caught eating meat, but now it didn't matter in the slightest. He couldn't even find a reason for something that so often forced him to wander about the jungle, trying to overcome his fear of falling asleep again. When daylight penetrated the jungle and painted it the most vivid of colors, he was known for his contagious laughter and his rather large appetite for adventures as well as for cream-filled caterpillars. On the other paw, when his mane bathed in the light of a crescent moon and the night sky was hung with stars, his restlessness seemed magnified. 'The restless wanderer', Timon had called him._

„_I'm nothing." The exiled prince managed to whisper and recoiled as if he'd been slapped. Simba himself was taken aback by his sudden loss of newfound bravery. Was he really over it? Has Rafiki only fed him empty words of encouragement? And why would his father appear with a mane made out of clouds and eyes of lightning for his murderer to see him? Maybe he has finally forgiven him and decided Simba's had enough torture? Simba was lost in confusion._

„_Then bow to your king!" Scar got in his face, which slightly caught Simba off guard, forcing dust to kick up under his paws as he was trying not to lose his grip on the very edge of Pride Rock_.

Suddenly, the atoms that made up his uncle and the rock he was holding on to dispersed and darkness replaced them. Before opening his amber orbs, he felt droplets of cold sweat drenching his fur. Simba's lungs longed for oxygen and salty tears irritated his eyes, all of which forced the golden lion to bestir himself. He looked around quickly before getting up on all fours. Everyone was sleeping peacefully. His gaze landed on Sarabi, a dark beige lioness that was his mother, and then it shifted back to Nala. The creamy lioness was sleeping next to him on the raised platform in the middle of the stony den. It was usually reserved for the King and his Queen and even though they haven't been wed yet, he wanted her next to him this very night of his return. He wasn't lonely, he just felt more comfortable and peaceful that way. He felt supported and this is what he needed the most now. Without her, he wouldn't have been able to snap back to reality. But being King was _so_ _much more_ than just a title.

Standing up, he shifted his whole weight to his four paws carefully and proceeded to leave his sleeping spot and pride behind. Upon reaching the mouth of the sleeping cave, he turned his head around to glance over his muscular shoulder once again.

„_I just need some time."_ He thought and grimaced when he accidentally put more pressure on his right hind leg, which suffered several injuries during the Battle for Pride Rock. The pain sent shivers through his whole body and for a moment he struggled to keep himself standing. It's gotten slightly better after Rafiki took care of the wounds so they wouldn't fester, but the pain was there to stay for at least a week. What he knew himself was that this overwhelming situation, as well as his battle injuries, would make it so much easier for him to succumb to certain illnesses. When the young King noticed the spot where he used to stargaze with his father, it made the pain leave his body and mind.

„_Look, Simba. The Great Kings of the Past look down on us from those stars. Whenever you feel alone, remember they will always be up there to guide you. And so will I."_ he recalled his father's words as he lowered himself so the grass strands were pressing against his belly.

„I know you're there, father. Right now I don't need to look for you among the stars, I just feel your presence. I guess that's what you meant when you told me to keep looking." He chuckled, but a worried expression remained on his face. Simba observed his paws for a minute and gazed back up at the stars. He couldn't believe how much he had changed over the years, physically as well as mentally. There were days when he hated the lion that stared up at him during drinking time and of course, some days he decided to cut himself some slack. A huge feeling of relief washed over him when he roared on the edge of Pride Rock, officially claiming his place because now he knew the reason why Mufasa reached out to him. He didn't pity him, only encouragement and pride were present. He dismissed his initial question about why he hadn't done so before because it was clear that Mufasa had been waiting for him to reach maturity and gain some common sense. A cub just could not have understood the true meaning behind Mufasa's words and this supernatural moment would contribute to a more troubled upbringing. Now he wondered whether Mufasa's spirit guided Timon and Pumbaa towards him because they helped him take his father's death off his mind, no matter how long that lasted. Just a minute when he wasn't plagued by guilt was precious to him. _„Hakuna Matata makes for a healthy mind"_, Pumba used to say.

At night he would think about his mother. _Has Scar told her what I've done? Is she mad at me? Does she even miss me?_ Those were some of the thoughts that filled his head. He often missed her terribly. Timon and Pumbaa's love for him wasn't even close to the love his mother used to cuddle, lick, warm and bathe him with in his cubhood. Simba was proud when Timon and Pumbaa cheered him on to jump into a mud bath, but he still imagined Sarabi's orange eyes scolding him with a stern expression never leaving her face. Then there was Nala. He used to wonder a lot about how she was doing and whether she found a new best friend. Simba would have given everything at times just for her to pin him again, even though he hated being overpowered by a girl. Now he had them both back.

„I once couldn't stop bragging to the other animals about becoming King one day. I never thought there were so many obstacles in the way. But now that I've grown, I do realize that life isn't just a straight path that's supposed to take me to my purpose and ultimate goal, but a curve that teaches you a lesson with every bend. Despite all my realizations, I still have no idea how to be a decent King." Simba said, his amber eyes still drinking the stars.

„Simba." A female voice appeared from behind him. It was sweet and gentle. Only one lioness could have had such a voice, that was like the most beautiful melody in his ears. Nala. „Are you alright?" he tried to get up on his hindquarters, but she urged him back onto his belly, not wanting him to put pressure on his injured leg.

„For how long have you been here?" he turned his head to face her and nuzzled her.

„Long enough to realize you were having a little monologue." She chuckled and at that Simba's own lips curled into a smile. „Don't worry, it's normal. I do it too. I guess, we all sometimes need advice from an expert?" Nala winked. She looked so beautiful when she smiled.

„I was actually talking to my father." Simba said. _„Great job, stupid furball. What is she gonna think of me now? That fever has taken over me and made me lose my mind?"_ he thought and mentally slapped himself in the face.

„What does he say?" she said seriously. Serious enough for Simba to notice she wasn't mocking him. „Is something bothering you?"

„You're probably not gonna believe this, but I saw him the night I decided to return. Rafiki showed him to me. He told me how I'm his son and the one true King of the Pride Lands. How the pride needs me. And most importantly, how proud he was of me. That really helped me gather some courage." Nala's eyes widened.

„I just knew that wasn't a regular thunder!" Nala said. „Simba, I know you wouldn't lie to me. I believe you. And I couldn't be happier for you. Now that I know what you've been through, it makes even me so proud of you for opting for growth rather than self-destruction. You're so much stronger than you think." She said. Simba's heart accelerated at her words and he pushed his body more against the aquamarine eyed lioness'.

„I can't believe you heard that." Simba chuckled. „Thank you. For everything. If it weren't for you, who knows if it would've happened in the first place. You were the first piece of the puzzle. I don't know what I'd do without you."

„Oh, Simba, you're making me blush. I still think you have your common sense to thank. You are pretty stubborn, you know. But this made me realize how good you are with decision making. When I look into your eyes, I see a good King. Just like your father was." Nala said, her eyes locked with Simba's.

„You really think so?" he raised an eyebrow. „My father had barely begun training me for this back when everything was normal. I don't know _anything_. Even though I remember the lessons about the circle of life, I doubt that's enough."

„Well, Scar seemed to never have received that very lesson. It's very important!" Nala's remark made them both laugh.

„I don't want the pride to think I'm unfit. Because I surely think that I am. Hell, you'd make a better King than me." He said.

„That's something I don't want to hear. Ever. You worry because you care. And if you care, you will bother to make a difference. One more thing, when you do it, you do it for yourself and then for everyone else. You deserve to feel worthy and to see the greatness flickering inside you. Only then will you be a good King." Nala rubbed the top of her head under his jaw.

„Yes, I'll have to learn to love myself again. Gosh, where is that arrogant cub right now?" he recalled the times he was a wild and adventurous cub. Simba was a licensed trouble maker in his cubhood and his confidence was greater than an elephant's shadow. „However, that will be very hard. I've spent most of my life hating myself for life not turning the way I wanted it to. I figured, life hates me, why should _I_ love myself!? When you told me you loved me that night, I wanted it so much to be true because I felt the same way. And I still do. But back then I thought why such a lioness would love a mess like me?" he let out a silent sob and prayed Nala hasn't heard it.

„_I know there's pain in your heart  
And you're covered in scars  
Wish you could see what I do_

_'Cause baby, everything you are  
Is everything I need  
You're everything to me  
Baby, every single part  
Is who you're meant to be  
'Cause you were meant for me  
And you're everything I need"_

Nala's voice sounded angel-like when she sang this. Not to mention that she looked the part when she rose from the ground and the moon turned her fur silver.

„I love you. You. And your past has shaped you into the lion I admire. Whom I had _always_ admired. You're a beautiful mess, my love. Being all proper and in order is just boring. I know you will make us even more proud of you than we are right now. Especially your father, mother and me." She paused for a moment and then pressed her muzzle against Simba's. They closed their eyes and enjoyed this moment of pure bliss. Nala pulled away from the kiss and looked into his eyes that stared lovingly back at her. „I believe you must rest now, _your Royal Highness_." She burst out laughing at the last part, her laughter soon accompanied by Simba's.

„After you, _your Grace_." He made sure she got the taste of her own medicine.

„What?" Nala asked, recovering from her laughing episodes.

„Nala, this is exactly why I fell for you. Reasonable, willing to listen, wise and funny. Beautiful inside and out. Would you marry me, become the Queen of the Pride Lands and mother of our cubs?" he said after proudly standing up, ignoring the pain that went through his leg. Simba also puffed out his chest. Now there was nothing that could stop him. Nala was right. It was up to him to be the best version of himself and he was determined to make things right again, for himself, for his pride, for his family. His soul was covered in scars, yes, but now they were no reminders of shame and guilt, but of his strength. Only Simba, son of Mufasa, could've endured all of this.

„There is nothing in the world I'd like more. I love you so much." Tears of joy filled her eyes. They locked muzzles once again and slowly made their way towards Pride Rock, pressed against each other and tails entwined.

**What do you think? I've always wanted to write a story that shows Simba's emotions and struggles the night he becomes King. Just recently, Skylar Grey's song „Everything I need" showed up among other recommendations on YouTube and I immediately imagined the events after the Battle for Pride Rock. If you happen to have time, listen to it, you won't regret it. Don't forget to review! More stories coming soon. xoxo**


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